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Starting a business in the Phil's

As a foreigner you only can own a business when you invest more then $500.000. Foreigners are not allowed to own land. Alternative it mostly will be that you and your asawa together will be owners.......that means you donate the money and she will be the owner or at least she will have 60% of the shares.

Send in story author unknown
For all foreigner Potential lnvestors,
I understand your [Filipina] Girl Friend has suggested some exciting new business concepts?
Lets see, you're looking to start a new venture: Piggery, Tricycle, Jeepney, Poultry raising, Rice Lands, Rice Mill, Coconut Plantation,
Fish Pond, Restaurant, Bar...oops done that! Education? Sending her to School For Secretarial...oops done that!
Sending her to School for Seamstress and Tailoring...oops done that!
Fishing Boat for her Father...yup, you've done that too!
Mate, the best idea is to set up a Pawn Shop, so you can get back all the jewelry that all the other unlucky foreigners bought for their girlfriends and wives at a fraction of what they paid for it!
On the other hand, you could do lending against the houses built by the foreigners for the families of their girlfriends, or setting up shop inside the Casinos, Mah Jong parlors, and Tong-its houses.
Just a few simple rules to helping the Family:
1. It was never a loan, it was given!
2. To do business here, leave your morals at home.
3. Only bastards and cream rise to the top!
4. If things were easy here, everyone would be rich!
5. Just because they speak English, wear western clothes and like western music doesn't mean they're Americans!
6. Because it's yours, the relatives think it is theirs.
7. If the family has not bought it, no matter what you give, it will not be respected or taken care of unless they got it on their own.
8. A business arrangement with family means: You finance, pay the bills, re-stock and never see any return past the first or second installment (if you are extremely fortunate.)
9. If the family survived all these years without you, why now can they not survive without your help? Who paid all the bills before you joined the family?
10. If you are invited to the party, you are the party!
11. Why do you think the family was so happy to welcome a 60 year old to marry their 20-year-old daughter and do not mind you calling your 40-year-old Father-in-Law 'Tatay'
12. Resign yourself. You will be supporting them whether you know it or not, unless she was an orphan and had no Aunties or Uncles or Grandparents or Nephews or Nieces or brothers or sisters or family
friends.
If you haven't heard these excuses yet you soon will:
The chickens all died and we need more
It's fiesta time and we ate them all
The piglets died
We sold them
The brood sow died.
Sister's birthday celebration, we ate it
The banca boat sunk in a typhoon.
We sold the engine and nets
It was confiscated because we were doing dynamite fishing
The tricycle needs a new motor
My boyfriend ran it without oil coz he couldn't afford it
Need to fix the jeepney
My brother got drunk and got into a wreck
The jeepney needs new tires
He sold the new ones months ago, and the used tires are all flat
Our fish pond needs to be re-stocked/someone stole all the fish
Guess who did that and sold all last year's fingerlings?
The storms destroyed the rice harvests/only got 2 sacks per hectare
We bought more rice lands for ourselves and didn't tell you we really got 100 sacks per hectare
The typhoon destroyed all the coconuts
We put a down payment on a new 4 Wheel Drive for Tatay
But let's face real hard facts: alimony here is a TV set, refrigerator, bed and electric fan. Quite unlike back home. And let's face it, if it was so good back there we wouldn't be here! And if everything was
organized, everything worked like it was supposed to, and all of these things really don't happen for real, we wouldn't have anything to talk about.
One last point, if your maid hasn't fried at least 2 TV sets or major appliances and burned an electric rice cooker on top of your stove, you haven't been here long enough yet!
Oh, we're not joking.  

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